Yesterday was the day that we finally found out our diagnosis from our doctor.
It was good and bad. Hard to hear while also happy to hear.
It was overwhelming and exhausting, but still exciting.
As you can tell, it was quite the whirl of emotions.
We found out that in a three year time period we would have a
15% chance of conceiving, on our own.
15 women out of 100 [in three years] would conceive with what we have.
We found out that Kasey's swimmers aren't the best little swimming guys.
We got a call from our nurse at the doctor's office telling us somewhat of this news before we went in yesterday so we had some preparations to hear what we did yesterday.
So, for the past week, Kasey hasn't been feeling the very greatest.
Then last night, him being his positive self says,
"I was just born with some abnormalities wasn't I?"
[cue me laughing}
Then he points to his eyes "I am color blind",
points to his mid-section [haha] "My swimmers don't work",
points to his feet "and I have a webbed toe."
[continuing to laugh]
"Every third of me has an abnormality."
[sorry it is blurry]
Even amidst all this trial and heartache, we are still able to put a smile on our faces.
Yes, somedays it is hard and I downright don't want to,
for the most part smiling is a part of our everyday lives.
As for the results:
We will have to do in vitro, but a special kind of it.
It is called ICSI - - Intra-Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection.
It is what it sounds like. The Dr. will have to inject the sperm right into my eggs,
in the little petri-dish [or whatever the real thing is, but I imagine this].
I still don't know all the answers or even understand it completely,
but we know this: at least we have the possibility of having our own child.
With this procedure, our chance goes from fifteen percent in a three year period to
eighty to ninety-five in three month period.
So in the end, everything seems perfectly great and dandy and then you realize
oh wait, this is very expensive!
Like, more than either of our cars and more than, well anything we have.
This. This is the hard part.
Realizing that we have to pay money, and a lot of it,
to get something that doesn't cost a dime for others to get.
I am not looking for sympathy, I am just trying to express my deepest and real emotions.
Because in the end, it is a wonderful thing that doctors can do this.
Yet I still feel drained.
Jealous of others.
All the while, blessed.
We are not in limbo, we have answers and we can move forward having a knowledge of what our bodies are capable of. I know I have bounced back and forth and maybe this has been confusing to read, but it is what I am going through right now. This post explains me well today. I have many emotions. But the greatest of them all is to get my babies to me.
We will be starting this as soon as funds are available through loans and saving up and getting jobs and anything else we can do. We want our children so bad that the cost is, in the end,
small to what we know will be our miracles, forever.
We have not ruled out adoption, and at some point will probably adopt.
The doctor says there is a chance we will be able to conceive on our own,
but it is a very small chance. So in vitro and adoption could be the ways we get all our children to us.
Prayers are always welcome to be sent our way.
I am anxious.
He is anxious.
We want to get those children to us as soon as possible.
"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall in place."
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