Tuesday, December 3

The Results

Yesterday was the day that we finally found out our diagnosis from our doctor.
It was good and bad. Hard to hear while also happy to hear. 
It was overwhelming and exhausting, but still exciting. 
As you can tell, it was quite the whirl of emotions.

We found out that in a three year time period we would have a 
15% chance of conceiving, on our own. 
15 women out of 100 [in three years] would conceive with what we have.

We found out that Kasey's swimmers aren't the best little swimming guys.
We got a call from our nurse at the doctor's office telling us somewhat of this news before we went in yesterday so we had some preparations to hear what we did yesterday. 
So, for the past week, Kasey hasn't been feeling the very greatest. 
Then last night, him being his positive self says, 

"I was just born with some abnormalities wasn't I?"
[cue me laughing}
Then he points to his eyes "I am color blind",
points to his mid-section [haha] "My swimmers don't work",
points to his feet "and I have a webbed toe."
[continuing to laugh]
"Every third of me has an abnormality."

[sorry it is blurry]

Even amidst all this trial and heartache, we are still able to put a smile on our faces.
Yes, somedays it is hard and I downright don't want to,
for the most part smiling is a part of our everyday lives.

As for the results:
We will have to do in vitro, but a special kind of it.
It is called ICSI - - Intra-Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection.
It is what it sounds like. The Dr. will have to inject the sperm right into my eggs,
in the little petri-dish [or whatever the real thing is, but I imagine this].

I still don't know all the answers or even understand it completely, 
but we know this: at least we have the possibility of having our own child. 
With this procedure, our chance goes from fifteen percent in a three year period to 
eighty to ninety-five in three month period. 

So in the end, everything seems perfectly great and dandy and then you realize
 oh wait, this is very expensive! 
Like, more than either of our cars and more than, well anything we have.
This. This is the hard part. 
Realizing that we have to pay money, and a lot of it,
 to get something that doesn't cost a dime for others to get. 

I am not looking for sympathy, I am just trying to express my deepest and real emotions.
Because in the end, it is a wonderful thing that doctors can do this.
Yet I still feel drained. 
 Jealous of others. 
All the while, blessed. 

We are not in limbo, we have answers and we can move forward having a knowledge of what our bodies are capable of. I know I have bounced back and forth and maybe this has been confusing to read, but it is what I am going through right now. This post explains me well today. I have many emotions. But the greatest of them all is to get my babies to me. 

We will be starting this as soon as funds are available through loans and saving up and getting jobs and anything else we can do. We want our children so bad that the cost is, in the end, 
small to what we know will be our miracles, forever. 

We have not ruled out adoption, and at some point will probably adopt.
The doctor says there is a chance we will be able to conceive on our own,
but it is a very small chance. So in vitro and adoption could be the ways we get all our children to us.

Prayers are always welcome to be sent our way.
I am anxious.
He is anxious.
We want to get those children to us as soon as possible.

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall in place."
[Thanks Cassie]

. . . . . . . . . . .



  1. You are both so amazing, Amber. We knew that the second we moved in next to you guys at Peterson. Thank you for your wonderful example in patience and perseverance. God only gives us as much as we can handle and He must know how amazing you guys are because you are handling this with such wonderful grace. I can't imagine how hard this must be for the both of you but I can see how much it has actually strengthened you both and that is so awesome to see. Keep being the amazing Hendricks we have come to love so much!

  2. This is a wonderful post and one that your children need to read later in life to understand how much LOVE you had for them even before you knew them. When so many others would give up or be unwilling to make the financial sacrifice to have children, you will not. They will love you, as their mother, for continuing the fight even when it was hard - a life lesson they will appreciate as they face their own life struggles. We will keep you all in our prayers. Hugs and loves to you both!!

  3. Oh Amber and Kasey.... we love you so much. You've shared your thoughts and feelings well. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you! With God ALL things are possible. Lotsa Love!!

  4. Amber. Why have I never read your blog before?? Laaaame. I have always been so thoroughly amazed by you. You are one of these people I liked to be around just because. It saddens me to know this is a struggle in your life. I can't say i know how you feel because I don't. But I can fully imagine the pain and frustration this has been for you. Heavenly Father gives tough trials to tough people. You must be like Sheera!! Thank you for being brave enough to talk about it and ask for our help in the "love" and "prayers" dept. My heart goes out to you my friend!

  5. praying for you girl! you are so strong and the bond that you and your husband share is so sweet and inspiring! I know that whatever happens you will find joy and adventure! miss you! -lei

  6. Amber, My friend Ashley at Flats to Flip Flops (http://flatstoflipflops.com/) Has a foundation where she helps out a couple each year with invitro. You should check her out. So glad you found some answers.

  7. Hey Amber! I just stumbled upon your blog. Just wanted to let you know my heart goes out to you. And I'm praying for you. Wish it didn't have to be so hard.