Monday, December 9

The Cliché Ugly Sweater Christmas Party

I know everyone does the whole ugly sweater Christmas party. Want to know why? 
Because they are heaps and heaps of fun.
You get to see what everyone scored on at the local Goodwill, DI, Value Village, etc.
Then you get to die laughing [because lets face it, these were once used legitimately].
All night you're just comfy as can be because it is a sweater, which allows for more eating.
That's really what I am all about, the food.
It's a win-win all around. 
Good company, fun games, good food, amazing pictures, and memories. 
So don't be against the cliché-ness of these parties, and have one. You won't regret it. 

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Wednesday, December 4

In the past two days

In the past two days, I have had the opportunity to watch two of my friends littles.
Not the same day. Not the same gender. Not the same age.
Which gave me a wide range of childhood in only two days.
One newborn boy. One 15 [ish] month old girl.
Lincoln and Claire. They both bring joy to my heart.
 Here is the Beautiful Claire. 
She was so good and loved reading books and playing with those stacking blocks, oh and since I have no toys, I threw in a Graham Cracker box as my contribution. She enjoyed it to the fullest.
 Since I had no delicious fresh fruit available, 
this is how we got to taste apples, strawberries, and grapes. 
The grapes were her fave selection, mine was the strawberries. 
She already has a great imagination.
 I took this hoping she was even looking, then to my surprise she was sportin' a little grin.
That night I enjoyed the delicious Trader Joe's hot chocolate I got for watching Claire. 
Thanks Whitney!!

Then round two [today] was wee little baby Lincoln. 
We just sat and cuddled and watched Ellen. 
I could really get used to this.
Thanks for letting me snuggle him Crystal!!

From this deal I got cheesecake.
They really didn't need to give me anything, I had so much fun and it was easy peasy.
Alas, you they know the way to my heart,
babies and food!

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Tuesday, December 3

The Results

Yesterday was the day that we finally found out our diagnosis from our doctor.
It was good and bad. Hard to hear while also happy to hear. 
It was overwhelming and exhausting, but still exciting. 
As you can tell, it was quite the whirl of emotions.

We found out that in a three year time period we would have a 
15% chance of conceiving, on our own. 
15 women out of 100 [in three years] would conceive with what we have.

We found out that Kasey's swimmers aren't the best little swimming guys.
We got a call from our nurse at the doctor's office telling us somewhat of this news before we went in yesterday so we had some preparations to hear what we did yesterday. 
So, for the past week, Kasey hasn't been feeling the very greatest. 
Then last night, him being his positive self says, 

"I was just born with some abnormalities wasn't I?"
[cue me laughing}
Then he points to his eyes "I am color blind",
points to his mid-section [haha] "My swimmers don't work",
points to his feet "and I have a webbed toe."
[continuing to laugh]
"Every third of me has an abnormality."

[sorry it is blurry]

Even amidst all this trial and heartache, we are still able to put a smile on our faces.
Yes, somedays it is hard and I downright don't want to,
for the most part smiling is a part of our everyday lives.

As for the results:
We will have to do in vitro, but a special kind of it.
It is called ICSI - - Intra-Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection.
It is what it sounds like. The Dr. will have to inject the sperm right into my eggs,
in the little petri-dish [or whatever the real thing is, but I imagine this].

I still don't know all the answers or even understand it completely, 
but we know this: at least we have the possibility of having our own child. 
With this procedure, our chance goes from fifteen percent in a three year period to 
eighty to ninety-five in three month period. 

So in the end, everything seems perfectly great and dandy and then you realize
 oh wait, this is very expensive! 
Like, more than either of our cars and more than, well anything we have.
This. This is the hard part. 
Realizing that we have to pay money, and a lot of it,
 to get something that doesn't cost a dime for others to get. 

I am not looking for sympathy, I am just trying to express my deepest and real emotions.
Because in the end, it is a wonderful thing that doctors can do this.
Yet I still feel drained. 
 Jealous of others. 
All the while, blessed. 

We are not in limbo, we have answers and we can move forward having a knowledge of what our bodies are capable of. I know I have bounced back and forth and maybe this has been confusing to read, but it is what I am going through right now. This post explains me well today. I have many emotions. But the greatest of them all is to get my babies to me. 

We will be starting this as soon as funds are available through loans and saving up and getting jobs and anything else we can do. We want our children so bad that the cost is, in the end, 
small to what we know will be our miracles, forever. 

We have not ruled out adoption, and at some point will probably adopt.
The doctor says there is a chance we will be able to conceive on our own,
but it is a very small chance. So in vitro and adoption could be the ways we get all our children to us.

Prayers are always welcome to be sent our way.
I am anxious.
He is anxious.
We want to get those children to us as soon as possible.

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall in place."
[Thanks Cassie]

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